What do you wish you had known at 18?
There can be only one answer for me. I wish I had known it was okay to be the man I knew I was. Instead I felt driven to hide my true identity from the world, from friends, from family and myself. Instead I tried to be the woman I was expected to be and in the process caused my self periods of deep depression that pushed me to the brink of existence.
I look back and see how all that was only ever going to be a mistake. As a woman I could never know personal satisfaction or fulfilment as I was not meant to be a woman. It was not who I am. I have to ask the question what if I had stood up and said ‘No this is not who I am, I am a man’ what would have happened?
I suspect I would have met with absolute rejection and degradation – times were different being LGBT was something to be ashamed of not celebrated as it is today. It has to be said by denying self and hiding my identity I met with rejection and degradation anyway. By denying myself I was rejecting me and degrading me by allowing myself to believe I was something shameful and unworthy.
We live in a rapidly changing world and sadly it seems now the changes are going backwards. Here in the UK the government wishes to repeal the Human Rights act. This scares me. Equality and basic rights is something all human beings deserve and I don’t think any government should have the power to take that away or pick and choose which rights they will adhere to.
So on to the arty stuff –